I’ve been using my hyper independence the wrong way
I’m at a point in my life where it doesn’t really matter how I came to be so averse to asking for help from anyone about anything. It's just who I am. I instinctively go out of my way to avoid asking for favors from friends and family, even if they offer to help upfront, and god help me if I have to ask a retail clerk or server a question about something. I just don’t buy the thing or order the dish and move on with my life, like a less self-righteous Liz Lemon.
Meanwhile, I have no problem still being on my dad’s phone plan. Accepting that bit of financial help doesn’t even phase me.
I’m afraid of being vulnerable with people because they might hurt or disappoint me, but I've been perfectly ok with living at the complete mercy of money (mainly the lack of it), which has absolutely made my life stressful.
I've realized that’s a sad and useless way to go about things.
It’s time to rethink the self-reliance bubble I insist on having and become financially hyper independent. Oh, I hate my job because they don’t have snacks anymore? Whatever, I quit. I got laid off because the economy crashed for the five thousandth time? Ok, I’ll lay low and still have secure food and housing.
If I really want to redirect things though, it’ll also mean learning how to be vulnerable, ask for help, and accept (but not expect) the outcomes. It so deeply goes against how I usually operate though that I have to actually sit and think about what I would even ask for. And I’m not even talking about major things, just dumb stuff like asking my sister to use her washer/dryer for a load of laundry the next time I visit. Shit, actually yeah that’d be super helpful for me. Ok, there’s one thing already!